Harris and I have been talking hypotheticals about getting married for a few months. We'd hoped that Windsor would be the case, but instead, it became the precedent for the case, so ok, it's the case, but not the time. Whatever. Anyway, after they ruled for Edith Windsor, we started talking about inevitability and soon ness and what we would do when the tide changed. When would we through a party? How big ? What entertainment? Where? What kind of food did we want? These sorts of things. What remained consistent for us was that as soon as it was legal we'd get married and then plan and throw the party later.
Then the 4th Circuit ruled in the VA case over the summer but issued a stay while it was appealed to the Supreme Court. When the Supreme Court declined to take any of the cases on Monday we started talking more seriously. I made sure I had $60 in cash and watched twitter for news. The news comes faster on twitter when you follow people who are on the ground; It's much easier to write 140 characters than 3 pages.
On Thursday we thought perhaps the ruling would come, but it did not. We bought a bottle of Moet to have cold and ready. On Friday we were sure it was coming, so sure in fact that we just took Margot down to the courthouse after her doctors appointment and waited in the basement for the ruling to become official. We had to go home so Harris could pick up Madeline from school, but then the four of us went and hung out at the courthouse. At 4:25 I asked the Register of Deeds if they were going to stay open late in case of a ruling or what. They said no, they stopped all processing at 4:30.
At 4:30 without a ruling we walked back home and Harris started making dinner. I nursed Margot and watched Twitter. After all , if they ruled we could make plans for Monday.
Then I saw that it wasn't going to be Osteen that ruled but Cogburn, in fact, he ruled after 5 that the GOP assholes had no standing to intervene and that Cooper was doing a fine job defending the state. Then he ruled that Amendment 1 was unconstitutional. I called up the stairs to Harris who was grilling on the porch that Amendment 1 was overturned. I had shivers. He came down with dinner and I looked up some info.
Guilford was issuing licenses to those in line (Greensboro) and Buncombe was staying open until 7pm. We live 3.5 hours from Buncombe (Asheville) and were not in line in Greensbor. Then, on twitter, I see that Wake County has not closed, in fact, they aren't closing until 9pm. I called and no one answered. Then I see a retweet from EqualityNC confirming that they are indeed open until 9pm.
We all ate a few bites of food while I filled out the application online. Having no idea how many people were in line in Wake County I didn't want to risk a delay. It was a good thing too because we needed info about Harris's mom we couldn't have gotten had she been asleep. We then changed clothes. I put on a black nursing dress, put Margot in a fancy yellow linen dress we got from a friend or consignment sale, Madeline on her purple dress, and Harris in a purple yellow button down - it just worked out that way - and we got in the car and drove to Raleigh.
I really did speed to get there. Friday night driving to Wake County and we hit very little traffic.
When we got to the courthouse we were able to park about a block away. There were security guards at the door telling us to go around the building to the open entrance. When we walked through security there were all sorts of people milling about the lobby. Another security guard let us into the section by the register of deeds office and how exciting was it. We walked in to a bright office with 15+ people processing marriage licenses. Everyone was smiling and happy and so many people were hugging and laughing and crying and taking pictures of each other. It was utterly wonderful. We went to the back, paid our $60, showed our ID and social security cards, and received our license. We explained to the lady who processed our application that we had been waiting to get married since '08 and when we heard they were open tonight, drove out from Durham.
Thank you thank you thank you Wake County for staying open!
On our way out we ran into an acquaintance who had also been at Durham earlier in the day. They were there with their daughter getting married too! It was about 7:15 pm
We took our license back to Durham, stopping to buy a cake from Mad Hatters and champagne from Whole Foods, and called our friends Michael and Bruce to come witness.
Harris and I have known both of these fine men for many years. I worked for Bruce in '05 and still find him to be an amazingly patient, fun, ethical, and consistent friend. He's one of the quiet dedicated people who make the world worth living in. Add to that he's an incredibly talented painter and artist. Michael and I met probably in '03 and have been buddies ever since. He's one of the people who we trust implicitly with Madeline, someone who easily switches between another parent to our child and best friend to her parents. Such an easy and satisfying relationship is hard to find and cherished that much more because of it.
They met us at the house at about 8:30 and then went with us to the jail.
Yes. The jail. Where else can you get a magistrate to marry you after 8pm on a Friday night?
We signed in, were buzzed back to the magistrate's office and filled out the additional paperwork and blessed Michael paid for the wedding ($20). The magistrate came out from behind their plexi window and married us in the lobby of the warrant control area. She asked if we had special vows and we said no. Then she asked if we had rings and we confusedly said, well, we do but we already exchanged them. It was then we realized that this woman doesn't know us or what we're doing, so Harris explained that we both felt that marriage was unequal and we didn't want to be part of it as long as our gay friends couldn't get married. We'd had a commitment ceremony in March of '08 where we'd exchanged vows and rings with our family, friends, and community present. Today, after the ruling, we'd driven to Raleigh to get our license and were here today to make it official.
She smiled and said that was great. It was so nice to marry someone who was happy and doing it for the right reasons for once. Then we went through the civil ceremony where we both promised to love, cling to, and support each other and had our marriage granted by the State of North Carolina. I held Margot in my arms as Madeline, Bruce, and Michael watched and a thunderstorm wrapped up outside. It was very sweet and nice and resulted in a husband and wife.
We came back to the house, sent texts and emails to friends who live close by, and spent the rest of the evening snacking, drinking champagne, eating cake, and laughing joyfully.
So that's how we came to get married. I'll probably revise this or have Harris revise and add details, but I wanted to go ahead and get the first dump of ideas out while I had the chance and they were mentally fresh!
And we forgot to take pictures.
Then the 4th Circuit ruled in the VA case over the summer but issued a stay while it was appealed to the Supreme Court. When the Supreme Court declined to take any of the cases on Monday we started talking more seriously. I made sure I had $60 in cash and watched twitter for news. The news comes faster on twitter when you follow people who are on the ground; It's much easier to write 140 characters than 3 pages.
On Thursday we thought perhaps the ruling would come, but it did not. We bought a bottle of Moet to have cold and ready. On Friday we were sure it was coming, so sure in fact that we just took Margot down to the courthouse after her doctors appointment and waited in the basement for the ruling to become official. We had to go home so Harris could pick up Madeline from school, but then the four of us went and hung out at the courthouse. At 4:25 I asked the Register of Deeds if they were going to stay open late in case of a ruling or what. They said no, they stopped all processing at 4:30.
At 4:30 without a ruling we walked back home and Harris started making dinner. I nursed Margot and watched Twitter. After all , if they ruled we could make plans for Monday.
Then I saw that it wasn't going to be Osteen that ruled but Cogburn, in fact, he ruled after 5 that the GOP assholes had no standing to intervene and that Cooper was doing a fine job defending the state. Then he ruled that Amendment 1 was unconstitutional. I called up the stairs to Harris who was grilling on the porch that Amendment 1 was overturned. I had shivers. He came down with dinner and I looked up some info.
Guilford was issuing licenses to those in line (Greensboro) and Buncombe was staying open until 7pm. We live 3.5 hours from Buncombe (Asheville) and were not in line in Greensbor. Then, on twitter, I see that Wake County has not closed, in fact, they aren't closing until 9pm. I called and no one answered. Then I see a retweet from EqualityNC confirming that they are indeed open until 9pm.
We all ate a few bites of food while I filled out the application online. Having no idea how many people were in line in Wake County I didn't want to risk a delay. It was a good thing too because we needed info about Harris's mom we couldn't have gotten had she been asleep. We then changed clothes. I put on a black nursing dress, put Margot in a fancy yellow linen dress we got from a friend or consignment sale, Madeline on her purple dress, and Harris in a purple yellow button down - it just worked out that way - and we got in the car and drove to Raleigh.
I really did speed to get there. Friday night driving to Wake County and we hit very little traffic.
When we got to the courthouse we were able to park about a block away. There were security guards at the door telling us to go around the building to the open entrance. When we walked through security there were all sorts of people milling about the lobby. Another security guard let us into the section by the register of deeds office and how exciting was it. We walked in to a bright office with 15+ people processing marriage licenses. Everyone was smiling and happy and so many people were hugging and laughing and crying and taking pictures of each other. It was utterly wonderful. We went to the back, paid our $60, showed our ID and social security cards, and received our license. We explained to the lady who processed our application that we had been waiting to get married since '08 and when we heard they were open tonight, drove out from Durham.
Thank you thank you thank you Wake County for staying open!
On our way out we ran into an acquaintance who had also been at Durham earlier in the day. They were there with their daughter getting married too! It was about 7:15 pm
We took our license back to Durham, stopping to buy a cake from Mad Hatters and champagne from Whole Foods, and called our friends Michael and Bruce to come witness.
Harris and I have known both of these fine men for many years. I worked for Bruce in '05 and still find him to be an amazingly patient, fun, ethical, and consistent friend. He's one of the quiet dedicated people who make the world worth living in. Add to that he's an incredibly talented painter and artist. Michael and I met probably in '03 and have been buddies ever since. He's one of the people who we trust implicitly with Madeline, someone who easily switches between another parent to our child and best friend to her parents. Such an easy and satisfying relationship is hard to find and cherished that much more because of it.
They met us at the house at about 8:30 and then went with us to the jail.
Yes. The jail. Where else can you get a magistrate to marry you after 8pm on a Friday night?
We signed in, were buzzed back to the magistrate's office and filled out the additional paperwork and blessed Michael paid for the wedding ($20). The magistrate came out from behind their plexi window and married us in the lobby of the warrant control area. She asked if we had special vows and we said no. Then she asked if we had rings and we confusedly said, well, we do but we already exchanged them. It was then we realized that this woman doesn't know us or what we're doing, so Harris explained that we both felt that marriage was unequal and we didn't want to be part of it as long as our gay friends couldn't get married. We'd had a commitment ceremony in March of '08 where we'd exchanged vows and rings with our family, friends, and community present. Today, after the ruling, we'd driven to Raleigh to get our license and were here today to make it official.
She smiled and said that was great. It was so nice to marry someone who was happy and doing it for the right reasons for once. Then we went through the civil ceremony where we both promised to love, cling to, and support each other and had our marriage granted by the State of North Carolina. I held Margot in my arms as Madeline, Bruce, and Michael watched and a thunderstorm wrapped up outside. It was very sweet and nice and resulted in a husband and wife.
We came back to the house, sent texts and emails to friends who live close by, and spent the rest of the evening snacking, drinking champagne, eating cake, and laughing joyfully.
So that's how we came to get married. I'll probably revise this or have Harris revise and add details, but I wanted to go ahead and get the first dump of ideas out while I had the chance and they were mentally fresh!
And we forgot to take pictures.
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